Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I am tired. I am stressed out. I don’t want to get burned out.

Our respite care company is shutting the doors in a month. It freaked me out at first. Six hours a week of free time may not seem like much but when you are stuck with people that are so sick and frail all the time it is a major emotional drain.

I guess we will survive. At least I do have relief every Tuesday.
Still it was a blow to me and it upset me.

There are folks out there in worse shape then us. So very sad.

At least my in-laws have us. Some people have no one and respite care is being cut on many levels.

Sometimes I wonder how long this will go on. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t want to wish them in the grave. Yet I want my life back. I miss it. Does that make me a bad person?

May 30, 2012


Lawn service went down by 10$. More people in the neighborhood everyone benefits.

Dad-in-law a bit slower but still literally had to hold him down from about 6 pm onward. He can’t seem to shut off at all.
I am grateful he was slower during the day as I managed to get laundry done and cook supper.




Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Just when I think I am doing Okay with my moods etc. I start on that slippery slope down.

I refuse to do this. I am not my emotions. What do I do?

I put my nose to the grindstone and refuse to let it happen.

One day at a time.

Tuesday today

Went Hickory to get Revy’s sample of contact’s he is trying out. My appointment is next month. I will be super glad to get contacts again!

We ate at Mellow Mushroom. BBQ chicken pizza yum! 2 years since we have eaten at a Mellow Mushroom. Our little town does not have much.

Bought several new tubes of acyrlic paints that were on sale. Now to find quiet time to ise them. It has been crazy here with the In-laws.

Spoke with the Dr about Dad trying a new drug for sleep etc. who knows…

Drove down to Cajah’s Mtn. and then to Valdese just to be out and about. It was a nice day.

Why am I feeling so low?



For buying childrens stackable toy and some soft squishy nerfy balls for my father-in-law. It seems to be keeping his hands and mind active. Thank goodness we were at our wits end! One more toy on the way called a tangle that many alzheimer patients like to fiddle with.

Hot dogs,hamburgers and potato salad.


We watched to Tweety bird cartoons one from 1945 the other 1949. Tweety used to be beige and was mean!

Watched a little rascals episode. With a wild man who had a tail. The only one I have seen I liked! It made me laugh!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

True to me

I am tired of not being able to go to the bathroom without someone else here to watch the fil.

The dog is tired of having to wait too.

If I can’t have time to do everyday things like laundry supper etc. then this will not work.

I have to watch the fil all the time. If I interfere to keep him from getting hurt he has started getting agressive.

What am I to do. If I am not healthy how can I take care of both the father-in-law and the mother-in-law. I have had two big colds in as many months. I know this is from stress. Not getting me time.

Speaking of which. Havemto run he is on the move again.



1. My cold seems to not be getting worse.
2. A roof over my head.
3. Trees
4. Husband
5. Pets

Thursday, May 24, 2012

May 24, 2012

Grateful for

1. The dad-in-law is hyper and aggressive more and more. We took him downstairs to watch some film shorts. A War update from WW II with planes bombing etc. and a few trailers a short with buzz lighting and A Tom and Jerry cartoon. (the one where Tom paints Jerry white and sales him). So dad was talking none stop standing up often. During a break while the brother-in-law changed the film Dad stood up and shook his butt saying bet you have never seen my ass. We cracked up and laughed for a good five minutes. He is a handful but loves to cut up. :-)

2. My washer and dryer!

3. The yard is mowed!

4. God

5. Forgivness

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


I went downtown to go to the bookstore and grab some java. I didn’t make it. A local artist was outside of his workshop and I stopped to chat. He gives lessons for adults on Thursday and Friday mornings. So I am planning to go a couple of times. Found out he used to go to church with my -in-laws. I had to run as Revy called and we went to grab a bite to eat.

Later we went out with our neighbours across from us and had a nice dinner. They are early to bed so we went home and were walking the Chico and stopped in on our newest neighbors. Revy has know them for years. One is a pilot and his wife went to school with Revy and his brother.

It was nice just to have a normal day with normal convesations. :-)


Today I am grateful for


Getting through a real low mood today and now feeling better.




Tuesday, May 22, 2012

May 22nd 2012


Met a local artist this morning and chatted for a couple of minutes. He is really nice. He knew my in-laws.

Walked 1.3 miles wore little Chico out.



Lunch @ T’s on main with Revy.

Time to work on some art!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Fly Lady Fly

I have done this before and I think it is time to put routines into motion. Especially with the craziness here.

Of which I had a smooth morning after a week of the Dad-in-law being a nightmare.

I have a busy day off tommorrow but maybe I will be able to squeeze in some planning time.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

May 20th 2012


For a pretty day
For being
For a roof over my head
For not going crazy
For the day almost being over

I got mad

And yelled but only after the father-in-law tore the shower door off the shower. He often shakes it in anger but I did not expect him to pull the whole thing off. I feel like a line has been crossed. My emotions of caring have just vanished. Maybe it is better this way. Zombieland.

It can be very hard to let go and let God. I think that is where I am. I am going through the motions but keeping out of the fray. I have been having to do this with my Mother-in-law as well. It has really become nothing more then A job 24/7 that I just want to be over with and go home. Except this is home. I am tired of the insanity and I can’t leave. Days really suck when I just want to relax at home. They are here. So I have to leave. I really just want to scream and I really wish I had my old punching bag. It took the steam out real quick.

Okay enough ranting and on with my day. Hopefully there is no where to go but up.

Not feeling

Chipper today. Do not want to deal with anybody. But I have to. The father-in-law is combative and angry for around 30 mins in the morning. I am so tired of it. I am angry with my brother in law. He takes a day off and does nothing. R and I never ever get a break. Gee I think I will take today off. Oops.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Another dear friend

Gave me hope and inspiration that I could change. He gave me a chance and I will never forget the friendship. He was a friend to many and helped so many people.

I learned today that he passed away yesterday. My heart aches. But in an odd way this change is something I have to accept and move on.

Blessings my dear friend.


A friend on Deviant Art does some awesome work and it inspires me to give it a shot. I have always wanted to do this. At this point money and time are the issues. I know I will get to give it a try one day. I will not give up!

The mother-in-law's

Blood sugar was right at three hundred the other night. I don’t know what prompted my brother-in-law to check it. Glad we did. We thought the test strips were bad so we checked mine. 108 and the hubby’s was 77. His is always low. We got her an appointment first thing monday.

So it will help not to have sweets around and it is easier when we have a reason not to. The MIL is sneaky so it is a good excuse! But I am sure she will pout and pitch a fit!

Did some more work

On the ballet theme and prepped two more pages. Now hmmm what else should I work on. I used the color orange to start with. No telling. When I know I will let you know!


Grrr grrrr

I don’t really want to do this. But I will keep it here and think about it some more.

I guess I should try and make myself get up into the attic! Get my favorite pots down. It is hot up there. Grrrrr


I got most things done. I am working on a web site need to find a place to host that won’t kill the check book. That is due today.

Got some prints made and digital scans of a few pieces of art. Will tweak and get more prints! It wasn’t such a big deal! The prints are awesome!

Still working out

Out of five days worked out four. Still going strong. Still waiting on my new ballet work out DVD. For some reason things take longer to get here then when living in Augusta. It is weird.

Doom and gloom

Doing well on this. Have not been reading about or watching to much news. I take a peek every now and then and move on. The end of the world didn’t happen without me!


Not sure where it went! But it is not so bad atmthis point. If it comes back I will deal with it but for now…. Gone!

Friday, May 18, 2012

I need

To get my total gym gone. I know I must place it in the local trader. Why am I dragging my feet? Why do I avoid it. It sits and collects dust. Hercules uses it more then I! (my cat).
Time to add it to my to do list!

Thursday, May 17, 2012



Getting out and finding a printer to make some prints of a few pieces of my art. The receptionist used to be the receptionist for where my father-in-law worked. She was sad to hear about Dad. Small towns. Everyone was really nice!

No one home to bother me while I worked on my art today.

Nice morning 10 minute walk.

Dr. Prescribed a new drug for FIL to help calm him down. Could take a few weeks to work. :-0. Not sure if I am really grateful about this just yet.

This area of the country is very beautiful. Inspiring. I like the mountains.



For my friend on Deviant Art that surprised me with a chalk pastel of a tree. She has been an inspiration and was there in my fussy times dealing with my in-laws.

Grateful after 24 hours of non stop moving and talking we gave Dad-in-law a Benedryl and he slept. I think we all needed sleep!

Grateful for art

Grateful for green of nature! It is so green here!

Grateful for long walk in park with the Chico. 1.3 miles. Could have gone more but the chi got tired.

Ballet shoes

I started on this yesterday. It is coming along. On it I am using oil pastels.

I hit a dead spot on the Ying and Yang but am still working on it as well.

See if I post it here it keeps me motivated.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I missed

Doing this yesterday! Will try to get it done today. I guess it would not be wise to wait until next week! :-0

Day three

I have not exercised this morning that will come a bit later. I wanted to say I have noticed a difference in my left foot. It has not swollen up as much. I used to think all the extra hardware in it caused the swelling. What an excuse. I know it is not as strong as my right foot but that can change! I ordered a 60 minute ballet work out DVD. Many people don’t realize how Ballet sculpts you unlike other exercise routines. I have my attitude on and am ready for this change.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Art Council

I went by the local Art Council today. They had some really awesome mixed media pieces displayed. It was a great way to get inspired again.

I came home and did some prep work and am off to the races!

Now to get brave enough to be more involved in the community!

One- Ying Yang

I can draw but I am into more of a mixed media abstract way of thinking. My first project is a ying and yang type thing. I am in the process of making it. Hopefully will have it done in a couple of days!

Work on my art!

Well, the doctors office for Jimmy called and they are going to put him on Tracadone. Not sure if that is how it is spelled. A big relief if it calms him some. Yesterday he tried to hit and push me then stomp on my feet. Really it is not me I am so worried about. He is strong but not that strong and when he gets in these fits the biggest concern is his falling.

So my point is I may be able to squeeze some time in to work. I want to work but with constant chasing Jimmy it is not a good work environment. Honestly just an hour without being bothered would be awesome! Right now I have to be alert on a constant basis. If I am not in the room with them I have the Monitor on watching.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Doing Ballet

I love ballet. I will never ever be good at it but I love the execise etc. So I am looking for some DVD’s for beginner exercise’s. I did a few this morning and many of the things I used to do still comes naturally. They drilled it in my head. How could I ever forget. So this morning I manages a 30 minute workout with a few ballet moves and a few other things.


Well this hasn’t happened. My father-in-law Jimmy has been over active since getting out of the hospital. Sitting down and concentrating is not possible. I am going to try this week. I guess I will see how it goes. Sometimes I really miss my time. What is that? On my so called days off to get any peace I have to leave the house. I can’t enjoy a day off at home. Yes I am whining. Time to get off the pity pot!

Sunday, May 13, 2012



1. Learning to make tres leche cake from scratch for Mothers Day.
2. Experimenting on the family. Tried a new recipe last night. Was good but need a few modifications. I didn’t like the apple cider vinegar in the dish.
3. Staying busy sort of. I need a breather. The father-in-law Alzheimers man no longer has a turn off switch. We are having to child proof our home. It is worse then a child. I am grateful he has not hurt himself.

4. Hubby is going to work a week for a local company. Aviation is scarce in the area. Good pay good folks and they may be getting another plane soon and they at that point would probably hire him full time. It would be nice to have insurance again.

5. Quiet time in the mornings.

6. Uverse app on ipad. I can watch the occasional movie while still keeping an eye on my in-laws.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Grateful to be able to vote yesterday

Grateful for an awsome Sunday with my sister my nephew and great neices.

Gratful for hubby getting to work next week filling in for a friend.

Grateful for the rain. It is peacful today.

Grateful for my life.

Saturday, May 5, 2012


For a really great day with family. The big celebration is tomorrow my sis and her gang are coming over for my birthday!

That my friends whom had the motorcycle accident are getting better. The wife and daughter hit a deer on the way home last night. They are ok. The wife woke up in severe pain with a broken tail bone. Thankfully she is ok with some pain meds. Enough already! Every is telling her no motorized vehicles for a while!


For all the awsome birthday wishes!


For the gift from my brother-in-law which he wrapped in papertowels. That was a first. Lol

Grateful for my dear hubby!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

May 3 2012

I have a few gratitudes

I am grateful
That my dear friends of 28 years are Okay after a very bad motorcycle accident. The wife just sprained her ankle. But he was in surgery for around 12 hours today. His prognosis is good but a long road ahead. I wish we lived closer.

I am grateful

That my aunt whom passed away today did so with grace and was happy with a life well lived. She will be missed.

I am grateful

That my friend M is okay. She fell off the deck of her Dads house and broke her ankle. It could have been worse. Today is her birthday but the ankle is giving her and her father some time together. Which is an awsome thing.

I am grateful

we got rid of Chico the chi’s bad teeth today. He seems happier.

I am grateful

For a nice day with family. I am starting to feel like my old self after years of chaos.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


I managed 10 minutes. I think I am getting better. I have to prpare for the 30 minutes a day goal.