That it is more a state of mind and attitude!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
For phone call with my sister. She is bringing her gang on May 6th for my b-day.
For long talk with my Mom on phone.
For all the lovely flowers here that are blooming.
For the dogs in the neighborhood greeting each other on their daily walks. They like seeing each other.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
I wrote three down. One was actually my old high school.
I worked on the first one. My Dad’s Mom. My grandma. I was always told how she had her favorites. I was told how when I was around eight years old I asked her why she didn’t love me. I do not remember doing this. But I still hear my Mom saying negative things about her. Over and over. Well as I was writing about this I realized Grandma was probably a big introvert like me and only let in those that were around a lot. We were not as my Dad was in the Air Force. So I wrote that I forgave her no matter if it was imagined or real and I prayed she would forgive me.
Then I went off to clean my kitchen and turned some music on. Willie Nelson filled my ears with Always on my mind. It was like she was saying I thought of you often. I Love you. It was overwhelming to the point I balled my eyes out.
I feel a connection with her that I have never felt and am thinking to myself ” I have been dragging this crap around all these years.”.
I honestly did not expect this drastic of a reaction on my part. I feel like for the first time it is OK to love my Grandmother.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I got up around seven worked on my morning pages project and then decided to sneak back to bed for just a bit. It is Saturday and everybody deserves to sleep in once in a while. In my case everyone got to sleep in because I am usually getting everyone up!
It was what I wanted to do.
I did my morning pages. Lots of talk about the mother-in-law. She was very confused last night.
One of the exercises ask that you write down three old enemies of your creative self. “Hisoric Monsters”. I just can’t think of any. I just thought of one. My Father’s Mother. I will add that to my list. No big secret here. But the thing is how did this Affect me as a child and carry through to adulthood.
Now for two more!
The first week also starts you on affirmations. Those are easy. It is just the negative thoughts that pop up when you write or say them. Need to write those as I go along as these are things that you hold onto.
So here starts my journey with the artist’s way.
Friday, April 20, 2012
I bought the book yesterday in the ibooks store. I am through the introduction and starting on the the first week.
I have already started the morning pages for the past two days.
I find it interesting that they are not as negative as the first time I did this. I know my heart is in such a different place today.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
A movie tonight that reminded me of myself and my best friend in high school. It made me cry. I think of him often. I miss him a lot. He was probably the best friend I have ever had. The story of the movie was not us. Well to some degree it was but the personalities were so similar and it was set in the 80’s. It was hitting home.
I hope he is OK wherever he is.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
I am grateful
For a pretty day
For a quick lunch out with my husband
For my interesting neighbors that have interesting yard stuff. Like a big blue metal bird.
For the slower life of this small city.
For uncles that help when there is no where else to look. I so plan to pay it forward.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
I am grateful
That I am sane enough to know a commercial is not a tv show being repeated over and over.
To make it through this day. It has been a very trying day.
That I made a new friend on Deviant Art.
That dad is active even though that is more work for me.
For early bedtimes for the parents. It is like having children!
Friday, April 13, 2012
I am accepting that my darling husband is often annoying. I don’t feel wrong saying this.
I was busy getting the in-laws breakfast and he kept wanting me to help him put a new light in the kitchen.
It’s not that easy. Mom has her pills,coffee,milk and oh yes don’t forget her water. Dad has to have all soft food plus his pills have to be crushed into his food. Then it takes over a half hour to feed him. He has gone past being able to do this on his own.
Enough. I looked at him with a look like come on i have got to do this now. Duh! Finally he backed off.
Then we had planned to work on cleaning out the shed while the respite worker was here. She was supposed to be here at 2:00. She never showed. So instead of calling her or texting her to see what was going on I called the office and spoke with her boss. I was nice but like hey what is going on. I know at times numbers get fudged but I am tires of people taking advantage of us and my in-laws.
So no cleaning out the shed. We can’t leave them alone and it will take both my husband and I to move some of the stuff. I am a bit aggrevated. Don’t I have the right to be? Regardless it is how I feel.
I am grateful for
1. Getting some extra cash for dog watching.
2. Cool clear nights. You can see the stars here better at night then when I lived in Augusta.
3. Cats and yarn
4. That Dad-in-law is still eating. Even though we have to feed him.
5. Birds in the morning.