I wrote three down. One was actually my old high school.
I worked on the first one. My Dad’s Mom. My grandma. I was always told how she had her favorites. I was told how when I was around eight years old I asked her why she didn’t love me. I do not remember doing this. But I still hear my Mom saying negative things about her. Over and over. Well as I was writing about this I realized Grandma was probably a big introvert like me and only let in those that were around a lot. We were not as my Dad was in the Air Force. So I wrote that I forgave her no matter if it was imagined or real and I prayed she would forgive me.
Then I went off to clean my kitchen and turned some music on. Willie Nelson filled my ears with Always on my mind. It was like she was saying I thought of you often. I Love you. It was overwhelming to the point I balled my eyes out.
I feel a connection with her that I have never felt and am thinking to myself ” I have been dragging this crap around all these years.”.
I honestly did not expect this drastic of a reaction on my part. I feel like for the first time it is OK to love my Grandmother.