Adventure
Find new ways to relieve stress
Action
1. Try new things with my art.
2. Go to the park and walk at least twice a week. (it is just so hot.)
3. Go for two bike rides on the greenway this month.
Adventure
Plan a hike in the mountains with my husband and go!
Adventure
Plan an unusual dining experience with friends and implement.
I am grateful for
Chico getting better. He was really sick for several days.
Naps in the afternoon.
feeling calm for most of the day.
Trees with the light shining through them.
Today.
I am grateful
to get through the day without getting angry.
for a small supper of chicken and veggies. Just enough.
rain
A little chipmunk on our carport hiding behind our stuff.
Watching the birds through the kitchen window they are fun to watch fighting over the bird feeder.
“Sea-Fever”
I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.
I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.
I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the wind’s like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.
By John Masefield (1878-1967).
(English Poet Laureate, 1930-1967.)
Grateful for
Rain
Time for some art work
New art supplies
A nice Lunch with my hubby
Walk in the morning with my dog
I am grateful for
Art
Rain
Katy Dids (not sure how this is spelled.) Though sometimes the noise they make is really annoying.
My Chihuahua
My Cat
I am grateful for
the day is almost over.
take out pizza and Greek salad.
hubby getting some contract work albeit only for a day.
rain.
birds
I worked on this last week some. This photograph really is bad. My lighting was just not what I needed.
Grateful
For a quiet peaceful day so far.
For a cooler day.
For being calm in the face of possible adversity.
For an inner peace.
For Art.
I went to bed last night in a very down mood. Tears streaming down my face. Just knowing I has to get up and deal with hyper-active dad-in-law was almost to much. The dr upped hia dosage of seraquel to 50mg 2x a day. He also stated Jimmy is acting at about 6-8 months old in what he does. I guess it just all got to me and I was so sure the higher dosage of medicine would not work. I was just ready to quit. I basically did not know how I would face today. I told God this too.
Today Jimmy is better manageable. I am just relieved. I guess the next few days will tell for sure. I am so relieved. I really did not think I could get through another day of the extreme hyper active super daddy.
I am tired. I am stressed out. I don’t want to get burned out.
Our respite care company is shutting the doors in a month. It freaked me out at first. Six hours a week of free time may not seem like much but when you are stuck with people that are so sick and frail all the time it is a major emotional drain.
I guess we will survive. At least I do have relief every Tuesday.
Still it was a blow to me and it upset me.
There are folks out there in worse shape then us. So very sad.
At least my in-laws have us. Some people have no one and respite care is being cut on many levels.
Sometimes I wonder how long this will go on. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t want to wish them in the grave. Yet I want my life back. I miss it. Does that make me a bad person?
Gratitudes
Lawn service went down by 10$. More people in the neighborhood everyone benefits.
Dad-in-law a bit slower but still literally had to hold him down from about 6 pm onward. He can’t seem to shut off at all.
I am grateful he was slower during the day as I managed to get laundry done and cook supper.
God
Family
Pets
Just when I think I am doing Okay with my moods etc. I start on that slippery slope down.
I refuse to do this. I am not my emotions. What do I do?
I put my nose to the grindstone and refuse to let it happen.
One day at a time.
Went Hickory to get Revy’s sample of contact’s he is trying out. My appointment is next month. I will be super glad to get contacts again!
We ate at Mellow Mushroom. BBQ chicken pizza yum! 2 years since we have eaten at a Mellow Mushroom. Our little town does not have much.
Bought several new tubes of acyrlic paints that were on sale. Now to find quiet time to ise them. It has been crazy here with the In-laws.
Spoke with the Dr about Dad trying a new drug for sleep etc. who knows…
Drove down to Cajah’s Mtn. and then to Valdese just to be out and about. It was a nice day.
Why am I feeling so low?
Grateful
For buying childrens stackable toy and some soft squishy nerfy balls for my father-in-law. It seems to be keeping his hands and mind active. Thank goodness we were at our wits end! One more toy on the way called a tangle that many alzheimer patients like to fiddle with.
Hot dogs,hamburgers and potato salad.
Friends.
We watched to Tweety bird cartoons one from 1945 the other 1949. Tweety used to be beige and was mean!
Watched a little rascals episode. With a wild man who had a tail. The only one I have seen I liked! It made me laugh!
I am tired of not being able to go to the bathroom without someone else here to watch the fil.
The dog is tired of having to wait too.
If I can’t have time to do everyday things like laundry supper etc. then this will not work.
I have to watch the fil all the time. If I interfere to keep him from getting hurt he has started getting agressive.
What am I to do. If I am not healthy how can I take care of both the father-in-law and the mother-in-law. I have had two big colds in as many months. I know this is from stress. Not getting me time.
Speaking of which. Havemto run he is on the move again.
Gratitudes
1. My cold seems to not be getting worse.
2. A roof over my head.
3. Trees
4. Husband
5. Pets
Grateful for
1. The dad-in-law is hyper and aggressive more and more. We took him downstairs to watch some film shorts. A War update from WW II with planes bombing etc. and a few trailers a short with buzz lighting and A Tom and Jerry cartoon. (the one where Tom paints Jerry white and sales him). So dad was talking none stop standing up often. During a break while the brother-in-law changed the film Dad stood up and shook his butt saying bet you have never seen my ass. We cracked up and laughed for a good five minutes. He is a handful but loves to cut up. :-)
2. My washer and dryer!
3. The yard is mowed!
4. God
5. Forgivness
I went downtown to go to the bookstore and grab some java. I didn’t make it. A local artist was outside of his workshop and I stopped to chat. He gives lessons for adults on Thursday and Friday mornings. So I am planning to go a couple of times. Found out he used to go to church with my -in-laws. I had to run as Revy called and we went to grab a bite to eat.
Later we went out with our neighbours across from us and had a nice dinner. They are early to bed so we went home and were walking the Chico and stopped in on our newest neighbors. Revy has know them for years. One is a pilot and his wife went to school with Revy and his brother.
It was nice just to have a normal day with normal convesations. :-)
Today I am grateful for
God
Getting through a real low mood today and now feeling better.
Exercise
Home
Family
Gratitudes
Met a local artist this morning and chatted for a couple of minutes. He is really nice. He knew my in-laws.
Walked 1.3 miles wore little Chico out.
Thunderstorms
Coffee
Lunch @ T’s on main with Revy.
Time to work on some art!
I have done this before and I think it is time to put routines into motion. Especially with the craziness here.
Of which I had a smooth morning after a week of the Dad-in-law being a nightmare.
I have a busy day off tommorrow but maybe I will be able to squeeze in some planning time.
Grateful
For a pretty day
For being
For a roof over my head
For not going crazy
For the day almost being over
And yelled but only after the father-in-law tore the shower door off the shower. He often shakes it in anger but I did not expect him to pull the whole thing off. I feel like a line has been crossed. My emotions of caring have just vanished. Maybe it is better this way. Zombieland.
It can be very hard to let go and let God. I think that is where I am. I am going through the motions but keeping out of the fray. I have been having to do this with my Mother-in-law as well. It has really become nothing more then A job 24/7 that I just want to be over with and go home. Except this is home. I am tired of the insanity and I can’t leave. Days really suck when I just want to relax at home. They are here. So I have to leave. I really just want to scream and I really wish I had my old punching bag. It took the steam out real quick.
Okay enough ranting and on with my day. Hopefully there is no where to go but up.
Chipper today. Do not want to deal with anybody. But I have to. The father-in-law is combative and angry for around 30 mins in the morning. I am so tired of it. I am angry with my brother in law. He takes a day off and does nothing. R and I never ever get a break. Gee I think I will take today off. Oops.
Gave me hope and inspiration that I could change. He gave me a chance and I will never forget the friendship. He was a friend to many and helped so many people.
I learned today that he passed away yesterday. My heart aches. But in an odd way this change is something I have to accept and move on.
Blessings my dear friend.
A friend on Deviant Art does some awesome work and it inspires me to give it a shot. I have always wanted to do this. At this point money and time are the issues. I know I will get to give it a try one day. I will not give up!
Blood sugar was right at three hundred the other night. I don’t know what prompted my brother-in-law to check it. Glad we did. We thought the test strips were bad so we checked mine. 108 and the hubby’s was 77. His is always low. We got her an appointment first thing monday.
So it will help not to have sweets around and it is easier when we have a reason not to. The MIL is sneaky so it is a good excuse! But I am sure she will pout and pitch a fit!
On the ballet theme and prepped two more pages. Now hmmm what else should I work on. I used the color orange to start with. No telling. When I know I will let you know!
Grrr grrrr
I don’t really want to do this. But I will keep it here and think about it some more.
I guess I should try and make myself get up into the attic! Get my favorite pots down. It is hot up there. Grrrrr
I got most things done. I am working on a web site need to find a place to host that won’t kill the check book. That is due today.
Got some prints made and digital scans of a few pieces of art. Will tweak and get more prints! It wasn’t such a big deal! The prints are awesome!
Out of five days worked out four. Still going strong. Still waiting on my new ballet work out DVD. For some reason things take longer to get here then when living in Augusta. It is weird.
Doing well on this. Have not been reading about or watching to much news. I take a peek every now and then and move on. The end of the world didn’t happen without me!
Not sure where it went! But it is not so bad atmthis point. If it comes back I will deal with it but for now…. Gone!
To get my total gym gone. I know I must place it in the local trader. Why am I dragging my feet? Why do I avoid it. It sits and collects dust. Hercules uses it more then I! (my cat).
Time to add it to my to do list!
Gratitudes
Getting out and finding a printer to make some prints of a few pieces of my art. The receptionist used to be the receptionist for where my father-in-law worked. She was sad to hear about Dad. Small towns. Everyone was really nice!
No one home to bother me while I worked on my art today.
Nice morning 10 minute walk.
Dr. Prescribed a new drug for FIL to help calm him down. Could take a few weeks to work. :-0. Not sure if I am really grateful about this just yet.
This area of the country is very beautiful. Inspiring. I like the mountains.
Grateful
For my friend on Deviant Art that surprised me with a chalk pastel of a tree. She has been an inspiration and was there in my fussy times dealing with my in-laws.
Grateful after 24 hours of non stop moving and talking we gave Dad-in-law a Benedryl and he slept. I think we all needed sleep!
Grateful for art
Grateful for green of nature! It is so green here!
Grateful for long walk in park with the Chico. 1.3 miles. Could have gone more but the chi got tired.
I started on this yesterday. It is coming along. On it I am using oil pastels.
I hit a dead spot on the Ying and Yang but am still working on it as well.
See if I post it here it keeps me motivated.
Doing this yesterday! Will try to get it done today. I guess it would not be wise to wait until next week! :-0
I have not exercised this morning that will come a bit later. I wanted to say I have noticed a difference in my left foot. It has not swollen up as much. I used to think all the extra hardware in it caused the swelling. What an excuse. I know it is not as strong as my right foot but that can change! I ordered a 60 minute ballet work out DVD. Many people don’t realize how Ballet sculpts you unlike other exercise routines. I have my attitude on and am ready for this change.
I went by the local Art Council today. They had some really awesome mixed media pieces displayed. It was a great way to get inspired again.
I came home and did some prep work and am off to the races!
Now to get brave enough to be more involved in the community!
I can draw but I am into more of a mixed media abstract way of thinking. My first project is a ying and yang type thing. I am in the process of making it. Hopefully will have it done in a couple of days!
Well, the doctors office for Jimmy called and they are going to put him on Tracadone. Not sure if that is how it is spelled. A big relief if it calms him some. Yesterday he tried to hit and push me then stomp on my feet. Really it is not me I am so worried about. He is strong but not that strong and when he gets in these fits the biggest concern is his falling.
So my point is I may be able to squeeze some time in to work. I want to work but with constant chasing Jimmy it is not a good work environment. Honestly just an hour without being bothered would be awesome! Right now I have to be alert on a constant basis. If I am not in the room with them I have the Monitor on watching.
I love ballet. I will never ever be good at it but I love the execise etc. So I am looking for some DVD’s for beginner exercise’s. I did a few this morning and many of the things I used to do still comes naturally. They drilled it in my head. How could I ever forget. So this morning I manages a 30 minute workout with a few ballet moves and a few other things.
Well this hasn’t happened. My father-in-law Jimmy has been over active since getting out of the hospital. Sitting down and concentrating is not possible. I am going to try this week. I guess I will see how it goes. Sometimes I really miss my time. What is that? On my so called days off to get any peace I have to leave the house. I can’t enjoy a day off at home. Yes I am whining. Time to get off the pity pot!
Gratitudes
1. Learning to make tres leche cake from scratch for Mothers Day.
2. Experimenting on the family. Tried a new recipe last night. Was good but need a few modifications. I didn’t like the apple cider vinegar in the dish.
3. Staying busy sort of. I need a breather. The father-in-law Alzheimers man no longer has a turn off switch. We are having to child proof our home. It is worse then a child. I am grateful he has not hurt himself.
4. Hubby is going to work a week for a local company. Aviation is scarce in the area. Good pay good folks and they may be getting another plane soon and they at that point would probably hire him full time. It would be nice to have insurance again.
5. Quiet time in the mornings.
6. Uverse app on ipad. I can watch the occasional movie while still keeping an eye on my in-laws.
Grateful to be able to vote yesterday
Grateful for an awsome Sunday with my sister my nephew and great neices.
Gratful for hubby getting to work next week filling in for a friend.
Grateful for the rain. It is peacful today.
Grateful for my life.
Grateful
For a really great day with family. The big celebration is tomorrow my sis and her gang are coming over for my birthday!
Grateful
That my friends whom had the motorcycle accident are getting better. The wife and daughter hit a deer on the way home last night. They are ok. The wife woke up in severe pain with a broken tail bone. Thankfully she is ok with some pain meds. Enough already! Every is telling her no motorized vehicles for a while!
Grateful
For all the awsome birthday wishes!
Grateful
For the gift from my brother-in-law which he wrapped in papertowels. That was a first. Lol
Grateful for my dear hubby!
I have a few gratitudes
I am grateful
That my dear friends of 28 years are Okay after a very bad motorcycle accident. The wife just sprained her ankle. But he was in surgery for around 12 hours today. His prognosis is good but a long road ahead. I wish we lived closer.
I am grateful
That my aunt whom passed away today did so with grace and was happy with a life well lived. She will be missed.
I am grateful
That my friend M is okay. She fell off the deck of her Dads house and broke her ankle. It could have been worse. Today is her birthday but the ankle is giving her and her father some time together. Which is an awsome thing.
I am grateful
we got rid of Chico the chi’s bad teeth today. He seems happier.
I am grateful
For a nice day with family. I am starting to feel like my old self after years of chaos.
Hoops. I always loved them. Don’t know why I ever quit!
Music. A big passion of mine. I refuse to turn the volume down anymore!
Plants!
I manages to remember to do get this done this morning. They were so thirsty. I will get a picture later. I love my plant babies.
Chico a bath
Look up real estate license status and decide to keep it or not.
I know I will get chico done! Lol
Hoops. I always loved them. Don’t know why I ever quit!
Music. A big passion of mine. I refuse to turn the volume down anymore!
Gratefulness
For
Shoneys with the family and yes sharing hot fudge cake!
Wheelchair races in wally world with my in-laws.
New ipod speakers! Batteries corroded my other ones.
Hula hoops
Warm weather!
Unrealized dreams. Time to change that.
Also past resentments! Time to change that as well.
Somewhere along the way I forgot what I loved. So hence this goal.
I have a passion for…
Cats!
Grateful
For phone call with my sister. She is bringing her gang on May 6th for my b-day.
For long talk with my Mom on phone.
For all the lovely flowers here that are blooming.
For the dogs in the neighborhood greeting each other on their daily walks. They like seeing each other.
For being
Gratitudes
Fresh cut lawn
Respite relief
Mexican food
Music and ipods
Art
I wrote three down. One was actually my old high school.
I worked on the first one. My Dad’s Mom. My grandma. I was always told how she had her favorites. I was told how when I was around eight years old I asked her why she didn’t love me. I do not remember doing this. But I still hear my Mom saying negative things about her. Over and over. Well as I was writing about this I realized Grandma was probably a big introvert like me and only let in those that were around a lot. We were not as my Dad was in the Air Force. So I wrote that I forgave her no matter if it was imagined or real and I prayed she would forgive me.
Then I went off to clean my kitchen and turned some music on. Willie Nelson filled my ears with Always on my mind. It was like she was saying I thought of you often. I Love you. It was overwhelming to the point I balled my eyes out.
I feel a connection with her that I have never felt and am thinking to myself ” I have been dragging this crap around all these years.”.
I honestly did not expect this drastic of a reaction on my part. I feel like for the first time it is OK to love my Grandmother.
Gratefuls
Hubby brought me a black angry bird stuffed animal with sound!
Chico was a happy dog today.
Chili!
Cool rainy day.
Lost two pounds this week!
I got up around seven worked on my morning pages project and then decided to sneak back to bed for just a bit. It is Saturday and everybody deserves to sleep in once in a while. In my case everyone got to sleep in because I am usually getting everyone up!
It was what I wanted to do.
I did my morning pages. Lots of talk about the mother-in-law. She was very confused last night.
One of the exercises ask that you write down three old enemies of your creative self. “Hisoric Monsters”. I just can’t think of any. I just thought of one. My Father’s Mother. I will add that to my list. No big secret here. But the thing is how did this Affect me as a child and carry through to adulthood.
Now for two more!
The first week also starts you on affirmations. Those are easy. It is just the negative thoughts that pop up when you write or say them. Need to write those as I go along as these are things that you hold onto.
So here starts my journey with the artist’s way.
I bought the book yesterday in the ibooks store. I am through the introduction and starting on the the first week.
I have already started the morning pages for the past two days.
I find it interesting that they are not as negative as the first time I did this. I know my heart is in such a different place today.
I actually got 20 minutes in. These hills are killer! Good exercise for the chihuahua and I. It is still cool out and it still hurts my ankle to walk much but I know I need to keep it up.
Gratitudes
Cool spring breezes
Sad but fond memories
Dogs that gulp there treats. A chihuahua ate half a hot dog without chewing. Kind of scary.
Family
Freshly mown yards
A movie tonight that reminded me of myself and my best friend in high school. It made me cry. I think of him often. I miss him a lot. He was probably the best friend I have ever had. The story of the movie was not us. Well to some degree it was but the personalities were so similar and it was set in the 80’s. It was hitting home.
I hope he is OK wherever he is.
Grateful for
Dad eating on his own. Messy but by himself!
Ribeyes on the grill mmmmmm!
Getting routine shopping done.
Respite help gave me time to do some shopping.
Rereading SwanSong by Robert Mccammon
I bought some clothes and 25$ itunes and bought storyist with some left for some books!
I am grateful
For peaceful thunderstorms.
Getting a few bucks for watching neighbors dogs.
Sleepy Chico the chihuahua in my lap.
Time off from the regular stuff?
Being a peace for just a little while.
With my hubby. Then shopping, got a cute new shirt.
Raced home before the big storm.
I am grateful
For a pretty day
For a quick lunch out with my husband
For my interesting neighbors that have interesting yard stuff. Like a big blue metal bird.
For the slower life of this small city.
For uncles that help when there is no where else to look. I so plan to pay it forward.
I am grateful
That I am sane enough to know a commercial is not a tv show being repeated over and over.
To make it through this day. It has been a very trying day.
That I made a new friend on Deviant Art.
That dad is active even though that is more work for me.
For early bedtimes for the parents. It is like having children!
I am accepting that my darling husband is often annoying. I don’t feel wrong saying this.
I was busy getting the in-laws breakfast and he kept wanting me to help him put a new light in the kitchen.
It’s not that easy. Mom has her pills,coffee,milk and oh yes don’t forget her water. Dad has to have all soft food plus his pills have to be crushed into his food. Then it takes over a half hour to feed him. He has gone past being able to do this on his own.
Enough. I looked at him with a look like come on i have got to do this now. Duh! Finally he backed off.
Then we had planned to work on cleaning out the shed while the respite worker was here. She was supposed to be here at 2:00. She never showed. So instead of calling her or texting her to see what was going on I called the office and spoke with her boss. I was nice but like hey what is going on. I know at times numbers get fudged but I am tires of people taking advantage of us and my in-laws.
So no cleaning out the shed. We can’t leave them alone and it will take both my husband and I to move some of the stuff. I am a bit aggrevated. Don’t I have the right to be? Regardless it is how I feel.
It is just so very pretty out. The Chico and I really enjoyed our quiet peacful walk. There are still lots of flowers and Grandfather Mountain is just awsome on the skyline. The pictures I take just never do it justice.
I am grateful for
1. Getting some extra cash for dog watching.
2. Cool clear nights. You can see the stars here better at night then when I lived in Augusta.
3. Cats and yarn
4. That Dad-in-law is still eating. Even though we have to feed him.
5. Birds in the morning.
